This past year, I have been working as a Special Education Teacher at an elementary school. As we all know, I have DID, along with many other conditions. Originally, it was my hope to be able to connect with my students by sharing my many different-abilities and showing them that having a "disability" is nothing to be ashamed of. I wanted my students to feel empowered and to not feel alone in their diagnosis. My plans, however, immediately got veered off track and I never got the chance to do so. Instead, my first week of school, I was told not to share any of my "mental health issues" with students as the school did not want to have to deal with confused, flustered, and troubled parents. I was never even given a chance to explain who I was or to authentically connect with the kiddos. I spent the whole semester avoiding topics such as: "what's your family like?" and "do you have any kids or siblings?" How could I talk about my family when we all constantly lived in a crazy life filled with multiple personalities, from multiple people? Additionally, anytime Sally tried to come out to say hello, I had to shut her down. My poor students looked so confused when my voice would change. And what made it worse is that I wasn't able to explain what was happening in that moment.
Not being my true self slowly killed pieces of who I was and I lost the urge to write, to draw, to read, to do anything. Until recently, when my husband told me that my "light had died out," I had been living as a shell of who I once was. I was going day by day trying to make sure that I never crossed any lines at work. Out of the entire school, I could count on one hand the amount of people that know about my DID and other conditions. Half of them support me, and the other half think I am crazy and "am amazing for even working." It is quite disheartening to hear others not believing people who are different can work, go to school, and live a normal life, just like everyone else.
I love my job and I need it in order to continue supporting our family, but I don't know who I am when I am at work. Half the time, I'm pretty sure I am co-conscious with someone else because I am unable to keep hiding who I am (although it is never obvious). Not being your true authentic self is the worst possible thing anyone could have to go through.
I hope to be able to study my next degree soon, so that I can keep moving on to my next job: psychology. Until then, please support in anyway you can. <3
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I am so proud of you. Just keep swimming my nena it will get better because your mission is very important 😘😘